Letters From Your Characters (R, strong language)

[Joeducktape]

Dear Haley,

What the heck were you on when you wrote my story?! Huh? Did you really have make me a slave to that fat drunkard?! And what about my gray hair? Do you know what an eyesore that is? You know, my life would be a lot easier if it weren't for you. As it is, you've made me into an orphaned, short, bad-tempered, pyrokinetic FREAK!

Thanks a lot,

Kyra Deylan

[bubblewrapped]

Dear Bubbles,

I hope the form of my address is not to presumptuous, given that we have never met in person, but I feel as though your knowledge of my life justifies such a personal greeting and can only hope that you agree.

Out of respect for your feelings I shall be blunt. I feel it is necessary to inform you that you are operating under the mistaken assumption that I am unhappy with my life. My husband and I are not demonstrative people but I feel we understand one another sufficiently - not that my life is any of your business! - and your attempts to sway me from my duty as wife to one of the most up and coming politicians of our time are irritating at best. I will not be drawn into a scandal that would not only devastate his social standing but his entire career, regardless of how attentive Mr. Radley may be. Moreover, I would thank you to stop placing him in my way so often. It is becoming embarassing.

Yours most candidly,

Claire

[Imp]

You are...?

I have a hard time balancing my delusions.

No, not me - that would be Piers. Delusional is laughing. Do you think? Right...no, I don't.

About delusions: you?

No. Probably a stalker.

--Tov

---

Dear Tov,

You can't write a letter worth spit. But don't worry about it as you really don't need to - but you don't need to write to authors or delusions either.

Signed,

IMP

[fishr]

Dear Fishr,

I bet you are pleased. I decided to open up more and share many things, whereas, I was quiet last month. For now, I'll behave and in fact, I have decided to help you by easing into the Tea Party.

Also, I have supplied you with images of how I'm feeling and I even included brief scences within the Green Dragon.

When am I going to have my diary?
-Samuel


Dear Samuel,

*hugs* You come on now! Don't give me that wide-eyed look. You're in your twenties, so hugging shouldn't embarass you anymore.

And yes, I'm extreamly happy. Actually, I'm delighted. I thought you wandered over a cliff recently. Now, please behave, and everything will be OK.

About your journal, patience is a virtue my friend.
-fishr

[Snoink]

Don't you know anything about me? It's not that hard. I may give you fifteen different versions of the story, but that doesn't matter. It's your job to pick which version makes sense. That's probably the right one anyway. I don't what you've been smoking but don't EVER do that again.

-- Carolina

[ShrekGums]

To Randomian

Thee cannot understnad whyst thou findst it such fun to write about thee noblest english layabouts and Thee!!
If thou hast bothered to observe more closely thou would discover that thoust noblest way of teaching hast imprinted some kind of learning upon my victim's pupils minds!! Thee doest not waste learning opportunities that often and thee hast NOT got an ugly blonde wig hair!!!

Please give thee regards to thoust history teacher and thee prayst that thou should end thoust sinful ways and not waste any more learning opportunities!!

Signed
Miss E

[triggerfingerxx]

dear vicky,
hello? how dare you portray me as the bitch in the story? so what if im a perfectionist? i mean i am the goddess of beauty...which makes me b.e.a.u.tiful. so anyway, why so harsh on me? obviously you didnt see the whole view of me being the nice, sensitive, girl to the little ones...even that snitch kehelb tracey! c'mon, just im perfect doesnt mean you have to hate me! like...everyones heard that saying, "Dont hate me because i'm beautiful"...well this is like...where it applies! oh, and one more thing...why did you put me in a periwinkle dress for the summer soltice party? hello? like...i looked totally pregnant in it! what is wrong with you. i totally think youre jealous. well anyway, i cant believe i bothered with you anyway, i just wasted my time so im shutting up...as you would say it, "for once."

-mendel

[xanthangum]

Dear xanthan gum,

I'm unsure where to start. It's been an awfully long journey, and I suppose all I have for you is questions and complaints. This entire whirlwind has been exhausting, and I'm not exactly sure what to feel. I suppose that's your job to figure out, though, isn't it?

Sorry for being so bitter, but it's hard not to be. I mean, I keep thinking about why you took mom away. Was there a reason? Did you just DO it? And then you have even more random things - like what happened to Claudel and Percy and...Venus....

Do you have ANY idea what it's like to see her run?! It's like baywatch, I tell you - BAYWATCH! I mean, would it hurt you to write just ONE sex scene - just one?

I suppose I'll find out the answer to my request later. =]

Sincerely,
Jack

[icaruss]

Dear Icaruss,

It's hard out here for a masked avenger. There's those madmen trying to blow the world up. There's the fact that I don't have any actual powers other than a pretty good aim, gliding (which really is just prolonged jumping, mind you), and having a cool helmet. I work with what I have.

But why the hell did you have to create Ultralad?!

He's annoying. He has he's own TV show. And he's... you know... a bit crooked. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What's wrong is little dolls of Ultragal being sold to kids. This was supposed to be honorable. We were supposed to be icons. We were supposed to be real heroes.

What happened? Hmph. You should know.

Up, up and away,
The Hawk.

PS: Yes. I actually wrote an onomatopeya. Hmph. So what?

~*~

Dear The Hawk,

Is your first name The? Or can I just call you Hawk? 'Cause when people speak to Batman, they don't keep calling him The Batman, they say "Hey, Batman." But then again, he's the goddamn Batman. And you're The Hawk.

See?

Anyways, about your complaint. Get over it. You're retiring anyways so just shut the fuck up. And it's an extremely cool-looking goddamn helment, punk.

Yours truly,
Icaruss

PS: What the hell kind of a good-bye was 'up, up and away'? You can't even fly, you wutz. I wrote you better than that.

PPS: Hmph. Why? 'Cause I can.

[Snoink]

Things like that happen all the time. Why not then?

-- Claude

[bubblewrapped]

Hello? Remember me?

-- Alexander

[KayJuran]

KayJuran

What..? You have my name..? No, that's not right.. it can't be, you're not in my clan.

~KayJuran

[Fand]

Dear madam:

I must ask you to refrain from writing ever again. People get hurt. It's not funny. Please desist.

Yours truly,
Sir Gildas Vaughn

[fishr]

Dear Fishr,

Are you going to finish the Boston Massacre or not? You left me stranded with a group of agitated and hungry men. Are we going to get food soon? I hope you are not planning to serve ale again. You know Paul cannot handle alcohol, although it would be amusing to witness a pair of drunk Adamses.

Do you want that?
-Samuel

---
Dear Samuel,

Samuel, don't even think, I'll strangle, GAH! I'll come back to that, you little hiedon.

Yeah, I've delayed the Massacre far too long. Instead, I'm editing to strengthen the story. Well, your story, since you keep hogging the spotlight.

And about the food? You have John Hancock and you're worried about starving? Pfft... You'll get fed, and if not by me, by Hancock's bickering and complaining. He's a very demanding person, as you already know.

About the beer. I have no idea if alochol will be served again or not. I wasn't planning on it, but I'm sure someone will surpass my expectations. And no, I promise to not serve Revere beer again. Was that a castrophe!

Before I go, don't you dare think or plot against me! I will not have two drunk Adams! Revere was enough and he nearly destroyed the entire story once, all because of your desire to drink.

Enjoy the editing. The younger version of yourself is shapping up to me much better, but you're still a shmuck. *hugs*
-fishr

[Bjorn]

Dear Bjorn,
My countryman, my own countryman would betray my acts to the Thing... I thought you were an Asatru, I thought you would have been delighted to mine slaying of that feeble priest. Would not Woden be proud? Would not YOU be proud? No. You dump me and a band of loyal men in a few longboats, and speed me through a harsh storm across the North Sea, to a land slowly coming under the influences the Franks call 'God'. What will I do? I'd have it so that the world is bled dry of Christ, but me and my men cannot take on the armies of the Kings of England, as petty and weak as they may be. And I've heard of your plans, oh yes. You plan to curse my lot. What's more I hear your gonna kill 'em off one by one, right?! Fie on you! Your sick! But we'll have our fun, yes we will. It'll be an orgy of slaughter in a monestery or two before you catch us.

-Ulfradr