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Jokes
May 21, 2006 18:38:39 GMT -5
Post by Meshugenah on May 21, 2006 18:38:39 GMT -5
Jacko... on goodness..
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backgroundbob
Senior Writer
A befitting emblem of adversity
Posts: 188
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Jokes
May 21, 2006 19:47:49 GMT -5
Post by backgroundbob on May 21, 2006 19:47:49 GMT -5
Paddy the legenday Irishman is driving along the road one day with a friend, when suddenly he sees a tree, right in front of his car. Desperate to avoid it, he swerves violently, only to find another tree blocking his path. He jerks the steering wheel around frantically, but when he strightens out he sees another tree right up on him. He twists and turns as fast as he can, but wherever he turns he ends up driving straight at a tree.
Finally his friend grabs the wheel and shouts "Paddy! For God's sake, man, stop!" Trembling and frightened, Paddy lets the car coast to a stop, which it - miraculously - manages to do without hitting a tree. "What on earth were you doing, Paddy?" his friend asks, bewhildered. Slightly put out, Paddy explains about the trees, to which his friend replies, "Paddy... that's your air-freshener!"
Bu-doom crash!
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Jokes
May 21, 2006 20:41:51 GMT -5
Post by Areida on May 21, 2006 20:41:51 GMT -5
It's a good one, but so much better when it's the blonde and the police officer. XD
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niteowl
Junior Writer
Hello TSR! If you're reading this, you must be realllllllllllllllllllly bored. :P
Posts: 45
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Jokes
May 21, 2006 21:33:19 GMT -5
Post by niteowl on May 21, 2006 21:33:19 GMT -5
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he takes a little man out of his pocket and a little piano out of his other pocket. The little man starts playing the piano and the bartender asks "Wow! Where'd you get that?" The man says that there is a well in the back and it will grant you any wish.
So the bartender goes to the well and wishes for a million bucks. Lo and behold a million...ducks fall from the sky.
The bartender goes back and complains that he got a million ducks instead of a million bucks.
The guy nods and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
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Joeducktape
Novelist
Hehehehehehe... MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posts: 307
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Jokes
May 23, 2006 8:56:54 GMT -5
Post by Joeducktape on May 23, 2006 8:56:54 GMT -5
What's worse than three dead babies in one trashcan?
One dead baby in three trashcans....
Why are there no Wal-Marts in the Middle East?
They're all Targets.
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sabradan
Senior Writer
The Godfather.
Posts: 179
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Jokes
May 23, 2006 11:41:43 GMT -5
Post by sabradan on May 23, 2006 11:41:43 GMT -5
That second one is pretty good, Joe.
Roses are red Violets are Blue In Soviet Russia Poem writes YOU
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Jokes
May 23, 2006 14:39:25 GMT -5
Post by Dargquon Ql'deleodna on May 23, 2006 14:39:25 GMT -5
1)A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed a man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the man's smile turned into a grin, so she move again. The man seemed more amused. When she moved for the fourth time, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. (Only in Australia)
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man, (about 20 years old), what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, THE DOUBLEMINT TWINS ARE COMING, and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, LOGAN'S LINIMENT WILL REDUCE THE SWELLING, I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign than said, WILLIAMS BIG STICK DID THE TRICK, I could hardly contain myself.
But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, GOODYEAR RUBBER COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS ACCIDENT, I just lost it.
2) Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis revealing the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were given 6 cans of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned...
3) People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
4) A father finds his son praying at night. 'God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta Grandpa.' The father finds this odd, but doesn't think too much of it. The next morning the grandfather dies. The father remembers the night before, but doesn't say anything. That night, the son prays, 'God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.' The father hopes that nothing happens to the grandmother. Sure enough, the next morning the grandmother dies. At this point the father gets really scared. That night, the son prays "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy". The father stays up all night long, frightened. Early in the morning he goes to the doctor to make sure everything is fine. When he comes home, his wife is waiting frantically in the driveway and yells "Honey, come quick! The milkman just dropped dead on the porch!"
5) There was this bus full of ugly people that crashed and everyone died. God felt sorry for them and decided to grant them all a wish. The first one said 'I want to be beautiful.' The second 'I want to be handsome.' This went on and on, people asking to be pretty, cute, handsome, just basically not ugly. When God got towards the end of the line, the last guy started cracking up. God ignored and kept fulfilling their wishes. Finally, when God came to the last guy, he announced 'I wish they were all ugly again!'
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Jokes
May 23, 2006 21:55:31 GMT -5
Post by Areida on May 23, 2006 21:55:31 GMT -5
Two silk worms got into a fight.
It ended in a tie.
XD
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Rulke
Senior Writer
Loyal and will always ♥ Elizabeth and will always remain faithful to her.
Posts: 125
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 2:47:18 GMT -5
Post by Rulke on May 24, 2006 2:47:18 GMT -5
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he takes a little man out of his pocket and a little piano out of his other pocket. The little man starts playing the piano and the bartender asks "Wow! Where'd you get that?" The man says that there is a well in the back and it will grant you any wish. So the bartender goes to the well and wishes for a million bucks. Lo and behold a million...ducks fall from the sky. The bartender goes back and complains that he got a million ducks instead of a million bucks. The guy nods and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?" That such a great joke Nite heh god. ;D ;D ;D
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sabradan
Senior Writer
The Godfather.
Posts: 179
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 11:02:49 GMT -5
Post by sabradan on May 24, 2006 11:02:49 GMT -5
In America, you find parties. In Soviet Russia, the Party finds YOU!
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Phoenix
Senior Writer
From the Ashes...
Posts: 223
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 12:43:16 GMT -5
Post by Phoenix on May 24, 2006 12:43:16 GMT -5
YES!!!! That's freekin' AWESOME.
LOL!!!!! But then again, who WOULDN'T want a 12 inch pianist to play theme musaic for them wherever they went?
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Sureal
Writer
Do not fear; I shall protect you from pwnage.
Posts: 77
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Jokes
May 24, 2006 17:43:39 GMT -5
Post by Sureal on May 24, 2006 17:43:39 GMT -5
Yo mamma's so stoopid that she jumped out a window and went up. Innit.
Genius.
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Jokes
May 25, 2006 16:33:53 GMT -5
Post by dynamo on May 25, 2006 16:33:53 GMT -5
A man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it the genie came out.
The genie said, "I will grant you any three wishes you desire. But, everything you wish for, your best friend will recieve twice as much."
The man used his first wish and wish for a million dollars. He got a million dollars and his best friend got two million.
The man's next wish was for a mansion. He got the mansion and his friend got one that was twice as big.
For his final wish, the man asked the genie to scare him half to death.
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sabradan
Senior Writer
The Godfather.
Posts: 179
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Jokes
May 25, 2006 20:20:25 GMT -5
Post by sabradan on May 25, 2006 20:20:25 GMT -5
Heh, Dynamo, I've heard one similar to that except it was a man and his wife, and he wished to be beaten half to death.
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Sureal
Writer
Do not fear; I shall protect you from pwnage.
Posts: 77
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Jokes
May 26, 2006 1:59:53 GMT -5
Post by Sureal on May 26, 2006 1:59:53 GMT -5
I have also heard that joke before, but it was between a blonde and brunette .
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